moving home

Phoenix, here I come!!!

Well, I quit my job.

Without a plan.

And although that seems like a terrible idea (and might have been), it turned out for the best.

I searched desperately for a new job for weeks. I also drove to Baltimore to attend a concert my boyfriend was playing in…

…and ended up stalling for two additional weeks while taking a roundabout route home because my power was out in Nashville due to the ice storm…

… and in total drove almost 2,000 miles through nine states in less than three weeks.

Life moves FAST. Like, really fast.

My life has never been an exception. I’ve tried to slow down but it doesn’t seem to work.

During this almost-three-weeks of constant traveling, living out of my suitcase (which was thankfully overpacked), staying with beautiful friends and family around the country, I got to talk to a lot of people. I got to do a lot of thinking (and stressing). I got to listen and ask questions and answer every question with I don’t know and talk about life. Visiting Peabody for the first time since graduation was so amazing, i belonged, i knew what people were talking about, recalled shared experiences, got to eat from the cafeteria…

I need more structure in my life.
Routine, rhythm, direction even.

Living alone in a new city, new section of the country, new everything. I’ve done this before, but somehow this was different.

It was just too much. I’m burnt out, tired, and for the first time in my life don’t know what I want to do.

I need to go home.

During these three weeks I grew up. I realized what it means to be an adult. We’re all humans focused on survival in this crazy world with some semblance of order. We’re all on our own journeys and paths, some seen, some unseen. Moving back in with my parents was an unexpected choice, but it seems to me like the right one.

And you know what, moving to Nashville and starting graduate school seemed like the right choice too. I don’t regret it.

I’ve met so many people, had so many experiences, realized so many realizations.

Nashville, it’s been good. Thank you for the love.

Thank you for the friends, and for giving me the courage to actually grow up.

Not by being independent and figuring it out on my own, but by gathering the courage to give up, to go home, to admit I don’t know where my life is headed.

If life had quarterly reviews, this would be mine.

My time in this city doesn’t fit into a neat little box. And you know what, nothing really does… life is messy, and it’s hard, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no good. God is good. I love my people.

Wow. This was a deeper post than I anticipated.
External processing is crazy 😂

Oh, and I started a business! Speaking of not knowing what I’m doing in life: https://www.instagram.com/_un_seen.creations